I can’t afford to go down to Brazil for the World Cup this year, so I settled for the next best thing: a Saturday afternoon watching England vs. Italy at the Buffalo Wild Wings in Chicago Ridge Mall. There weren’t any Caipirinha’s on the menu and the speakers were blaring hip-hop instead of samba when we arrived at the bar, and the few England supporters on the premises were hiding in the shadows, shyly nursing their $3 Budweisers instead of pounding $8 glasses of Guinness or singing songs or smashing the place or fighting as everything the media has taught me about hooliganism has lead me to expect. I was disappointed by how tame it all was, by how calmly the two guys in the red-and-white St. George caps were swallowing the England defeat on Saturday afternoon, by how generally non-plussed they seemed by the whole affair. So I decided to liven them up by sidling over to their table near the end of the game, opening my fat-little-notebook, and asking them a few questions about Prince Harry.
I originally thought I was going to watch this show and do something like witty recaps, thoughtful treatises on modern pop culture and misogyny, memes of the contestants with cat faces. I did that for two episodes (not the cat faces) but then it just got too damn boring. But shows like this really aren’t my thing. Surely someone was enjoying it, I thought. I apparently thought wrong. Four episodes in and “I Wanna Marry ‘Harry'” got the gong. (Those of you born in the 70s got that.)
After the first episode – which gave us textbook foreshadowing with its horrible ratings – I approached the show’s PR about doing an email Q&A with “Not Really Prince Harry” Matt Hicks. While the two posts I had made on the show were snarky I was kind to Mr. Hicks. He was kind of growing on me and he surely had the most interesting experience in this whole charade. I had asked him via social media if I could use his personal Instagram photos and he was very happy to oblige. Surely he would be allowed to answer five questions by email?
I told the US and UK press peeps what I wanted and some of the TV appearances I had made as well as publications I had been quoted in – just a little self-horn blowing so they would know pimping an interview to my 10k+ followers might help their failing ratings. Instead I was told “unfortunately Matt’s (sic) has a busy schedule, therefore we are unable to accommodate your request.” Hmm, his Twitter and Instagram sure didn’t make him seem busy. (Btw, a PR friend told me I might have gotten a different response if I had removed my snarky recaps before asking. Whatevs.)
As a consolation prize I was sent a press pack and told I could use the “syndicated” interview it contained. Instead of rubbing this massive fail of a show’s face in the dirt by cut and pasting that interview and interjecting it with LOLZ, I’ll just put the whole press pack here. Enjoy.
(Oh, and all the eps are now on Fox’s website. If you bother to watch the finale, tell me who won. Or not. Whatever.)
[Spoiler: If you don’t want to know who gets kicked off on the second episode, stop reading. Or not. Doesn’t really matter.]
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